Handshake Avoidance: Is This Sexist Microaggression On The Way Out?
Picture the pre-Covid workplace scene. It’s February 2020. You’re in a meeting room at work with two male colleagues waiting for a visitor to arrive. He walks into the room and shakes hands with your colleagues. He walks over to you. You sense that something is different. He pauses in front of you, his smile twitching and eyes evading yours. You put out your hand for a handshake which transforms into an awkward punch as his body comes close to yours. He goes in for a kiss on your cheek which swiftly becomes a hug after he sees the grimace on your face.
“Nice to meet you.”
Except that it’s not nice. That’s a lie. Firstly, having your personal space invaded in a professional environment is a boundary that shouldn’t be crossed. Secondly, the whole debacle highlights your difference, the underlying message being communicated is that you don’t fit seamlessly into this environment. Women are there to kiss, not to shake hands with.
I spent probably the first five years of my career internalising this experience. Maybe longer. Always feeling like the awkwardness was my fault, alternating between allowing the kiss on the cheek (would this make me more likeable? Is that what women are expected to do?) and jerking my head out of the way like a chicken.
But social distancing has provided the literal and metaphorical space to process these interactions. And I finally see the handshake avoidance for what it is: a sexist microaggression.
And the metaphor of handshake avoidance goes beyond a greeting. The handshake symbolises closing a deal, the very practice of “doing business”. This image perpetuates a workplace culture where women are expected to host a meeting and make everyone feel comfortable (“I’ll grab the coffees!”), whilst the men take care of important matters. I recognise that’s blunt and simplified, but that’s what non-verbal, subconscious communications are. They communicate history, social expectations and conditioning without saying a word.
The power of a handshake from a superior is another way favour and approval is communicated at work. They are passed around between men to congratulate each other on a successful project implemented or a new product launch. Handshakes all around. Unless you’re a woman, in which case it’s a nod, an awkward hug or attempted kiss. And how do women congratulate other women? We rarely handshake.
As we begin to create a post-Covid workplace, let’s tackle this one head on. Time out from the handshake means it’s no longer a habit. It’s no longer subconscious. To shake someones hand is now an intentional act.
So as the handshake returns, let’s make sure it’s a handshake for everyone.
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